Wednesday, February 25, 2009

OMG !! I have been tagged!

This is the first time I have been tagged. I am only doing because I expect Shantanu to share his envying salary with me ,as he owes me a favor, once he joins NVIDIA. (Nay! just kidding). I don't believe I will be good in ' tagging shagging' and its something I have been trying to avoid because I am not exactly known for my veracity. Its 12:40 IST now. Lets see how it goes.

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it
It's easy to answer this one. Anyone who has followed my blog will know I got a scar of six stitches near my elbow. Yes, its genuine.
How did it happen?
Well, I was in 7th standard then. One day, some kid from my school, out of nowhere, ran past me, looked me in the eyes as if teasing me to try and overtake him. Of course I wasn't going to decline the challenge. After running a few yards, I slipped across a heap of pebbles. Unfortunately, some gravel went underneath my skin and the compounder cut my skin so deep ,to search it, that its not healed even today. Later I learned that the kid was just running towards the toilet. He obviously could not control it. That *beep* *beep*.

2. What does your phone look like ?
It looks exactly like a sony ericsson mobile. What did you expect? A dildo? lol

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?
Cobwebs, spiders and more cobwebs, more spiders. Don't be surprised if I turn into spiderman. Of course there are ten thousand English words written all over the cupboard and the door. 'Jammy fodu' people used to say when they entered my room for the first time but soon they realized the guy who stayed in this room last year did it and it was not my handiwork. I wonder what happened to that guy.

4. What is your current desktop picture?

I have been trying to do this bike stunt for so long! Of course it was the spiderman kiss stunt earlier. Some day I will earn the 'MTV kiss of the year' accolade.

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
If seeing is believing my answer is I haven't seen any gay marriage. If you are asking if gays should allowed to marry then then I have no right poking my nose in other's business. I have seen reports of people marrying dogs in newspapers for God's sake. Its our forefather's fault that there is a drought of women in this country( My definition of a woman is not the same as female, it is rather a sub- category and I am not implying that scarcity of women is factor for a person's sexuality)

I think the Academy of Motion Pictures is in a better position to give a justifiable answer. They have given oscars to every god damned gay movie-' Brokeback mountain' ,' Milk'......

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
Challenge the IRCTC guys for a 'no holds barred' ' HELL IN A CELL' wrestling match. Tables, Chairs, Ladders, sledge hammers ,barbed wires - you name it, anything goes baby. I lost 1600 bucks in transaction because of their irresponsibility.

7. Are your parents still together?
No. But that's because my father is a nuclear scientist working in a secure CIA facility and my mother is an amazon warrior. I hope thats the answer you were looking. Unfortunately for you and fortunately for me its a simple yes and they are going to have their 25th anniversary this may. Its amazing how they gave a commitment to each other for 25+7 long years.( They knew each other for 7 years before they got married)

8. Last person who made you cry
She is a korean actress look-alike or do these actresses look like her? I am not too sure.

9. What is your favorite perfume/cologne ?
There is not one as I like experimenting but I only used them on my filthy socks. My body has kinda developed an allergic to perfumes/cologne lately. More excuses to save money.

10. What are you listening to?
Right now 'Another Brick in the Wall' by Pink Floyd

We dont need no education.

We dont need no thought control.
No dark sarcasm in the classroom.
Teachers, leave those kids alone.
Hey, teacher, leave those kids alone!
All in all youre just another brick in the wall.
All in all youre just another brick in the wall.

11. Do you get scared of the dark?
Should I be? I won't get a better opportunity for some mischief than blackouts. I think a women with bleached skin and raven hairs holding a lone candle in complete darkness looks sexy.

12. Do you like pain killers?
I hated it until they put a 4 inch needle in my vertebral column. They were invented for the good of mankind.

13. Are you too shy to ask someone out ?
This is where I start contradicting myself and I find myself oscillating between two extreme ends.

14. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Hajmola. Apparently I had a feast for a beast.

15. Who was the last person who made you mad?
She is the same person who made me cry. Of course she made me happy a lot of the times too.

16. Who was the last person who made you smile?
I smile habitually even if its a fake one unless someone challenges me for a wrestling match like the IRCTC guys. Its better to be nice than to be genuine.(That may not necessarily be true)

17. Is someone in love with you ?
Of course a lot of people are- family, friends, my blogger friends. Well don't you?
Ohh..about romance ? I don't think someone is in love with me. If she loves me, she is not someone but rather someone special.

F*beep* its almost 3 now I despise it when the network server is not working for hours.
Now I tag this to

Monday, February 23, 2009


Finally the plane landed in Delhi. I lost sense of time because hours of solitary travel can consume a person with all forms of thoughts. But I realized I was not aware of all those reasonings anymore, almost like an anachronism. It was not detachment, I felt, neither salvation. I had no premonitions about what's going to happen next. But I sensed something was going to change my life forever. It was going to be big and I better be ready for it.

As I waited for my luggage standing besides the airport conveyor belt, I felt my past memories relived and refreshed. My father's words suddenly sounded like bells tolling.
"The purpose of life is not chasing down every academic high."
"Success can also be measured in terms of having a pleasant and rewarding home life. These people develop their identities based upon the accomplishments of their children, and derive their self worth through the love and support of a spouse."
I barely heard all those words back then. I would give my only argument -
"A man is not defined by his family. I would rather climb that ladder as much as I can because I heard the view gets better as we go higher."
" No matter how high you climb there will always be some one above you .",he would retaliate.

His words made more sense to me now after four years and after shouldering the weight of three failed relationships. I wished things were different. I wished I hadn't dismissed his ideology totally. I wished I discovered the balance of career and love for myself.

As I moved my luggage, I had not been more hopeful than that day. It was time to redeem myself. I could see them waving from a distant view. Unanticipatedly, there was a ruckus in the crowd. The security persons were all around and every entrance gate closed and I was trapped in my own world in front of my eyes. I lost consciousness and bliss when it was only some yards away. I heard a beeping noise. It was my pager with the message- conference starts in 45 mins.

I was back in New York. Back to my beleaguered apartment. It all happened in another world, maybe in my sub-conscience. But I have to live with the fact that I had no contact with them for the last four years and its very unlikely I would so. I didn't have the sagacity to understand everything but I knew destination conference room was not an option.

P.S: I wanted to write something on -when love and career heads for a collision course. I ended up writing a story. There is always another excitement of narrating as a first person.

Friday, February 13, 2009


I would never know,
How she took the seat of my innermost emotions and desires,
Why I tried to shun those feelings away.
Yet, inspite of every facet of my perplexities
She keeps coming back.

I cannot fathom these emotions,
Makes me wonder if this is love.
Does it mean love cannot be understood?
If this is what love is,
Does it mean it has to be confessed?

I would never succeed,
To find some words to capture all the things that make you you.
I struggled and failed to write the words,
That made perfect sense.
When all I imagined was it would be simple and effortless.

I cannot uncover these judgments,
Makes me wonder if this is love.
Does it mean love cannot be explained?
If this is what love is,
Does it mean it has to be confessed?

But,I would rather be satisfied.
Regardless of whether you simply know or not,
Just how I feel about you.
For with the feelings I cannot expressed.
For with the words I cannot translate.

P.S.: Happy Valentine's Day

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


I hate the fact that I have this propensity of trusting others blindly. I sometimes wish being gullible was not a human trait. I hate the fact everyone of my closest people share this idiosyncrasy. I wish mom's faith in astrologers and astrology would someday vanish in wilderness, never to be found. I wish this faith didn't play a part in my sister's treatment. But it did. It gave us hope. I hate the fact the same people didn't show the same generiosity to me when I needed assurance. Instead they used words like 'black clouds' , '20 years' , 'marriage problems'.

But that seemed like ages ago. Although what is presumably referred as 'divination' turned out to be disappointed I, for one, haven't lost the curiousity it generated. I do not fear the outcome it predicts. I guess I have become wiser. In fact, I have been trying my hand and the whole process is entertaining and addictive to tell the truth although the only item I use is a deck of playing cards.

Its funny how the unquestionable desire to probe into our future has made us chose the supposedly occult ways and any source other than God (and I assume its because we don't understand him if he exists). How would you differentiate those who practise these crafts from the category of schemers , con-artists, fakers ?The heart of the matter does not concern these category of people but something else. Something that concerns the future and the preposterous and fallacious attempts to play God. No one can tell 'definitely' what's going to happen in future and neither it's in our interest to know. Of course we can do some guesswork about the future from our present. No matter what answers we seek for our lives we always have the opputunities to make different decisions. We create our own realities. But man won't stop trying to explain th unexplainable even if its done in a harm's way. At the end of the day its upto the person and trust. There are lines in 'the Alchemist' where I share the same school of thought, and which I frequently excerpt.

*Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.

* At a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fates. That’s the world’s greatest lie.

*If you can concentrate on the present, you’ll be a happy man.The secret is here in the present. If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better. Each day, in itself, brings with it an eternity.