WALK

Its the road where it all started.
We hold each other and promised
Never to be divided.

But as all these images unfold,
I gaze only to see our footprints have vanished.
I walk solemnly in this abandoned road.

As I struggle through the passage,
I can feel the place I love the most ,when I am with you
Turn into worthless tears.

I let my angel fly from here.
There would be another road for you to walk,
But I am fated to wander here like an echo from the past.

I would close my eyes and pray
To find you here, hold you close,
And take the walk for one last time.

THE SURVIVOR WITHIN

The smoke from his cigarette never fades out. Curiously enough his facial expression looks the same. Uncle Deepak has always been this way since the day I have known him. His well-built and suave looks always camouflages his seething health issues. A Major in his glory days ,now he can't even support his family anymore. Aunty and their three daughters live in a different home. They say they cant watch him fade away to emptiness. Surprisingly, he is quite soft spoken for a retired military personnel and has a tacit way of expressing things. He loves his wine and has a varied and blended collection.

He never refers to me by my pet name. I always thought he would make a great teacher if given the chance. Sometimes I wish I had the same insights about life as he has but never even for once desired to live the life the way he did. I would try to share a lot of ideas with him mostly about death , politics and war.
"It would be fair to say that death is a part of life."
"I haven't really understood why we go to war, I was doing my job." ,I could remember him saying each of these lines on two different occassions. I would ask what he thought about the army gradually losing respect esp. in the north east because of cases of human rights violation.
"It should not have happened." ,would be his curt reply.

"Uncle, were you proud of what you did in the army?"
"Of course!"
"Do you consider yourself as a hero?"
"No."
"Then what else can you be uncle?"
"I am a survivor. "
Till this day, I have never felt there is a more majestic word .

FEAR THE DARK FOREVER

Are you a man who fear noiselessness?
Does your mind enjoy playing games with your senses?
Have you ever imagined how the unknown will manipulate your existence?

I sense an undeniable presence of someone or something,
And it feeds on darkness and fear.
Can you help me drive out my nightmares?

Fear of the dark, fear of the dark
I have a constant fear that someones always near.
Fear of the dark, fear of the dark
I have a phobia that someones is always there

How many times have I strolled alone
In a lifeless road into a lightless world?
Just to get harassed by the sensation that someone is following me,
Only to find that I am a man walking alone.

I seek light only to be engulfed by darkness
Would somebody guide me where the boundary of darkness and light stand?
Would I be chastised if I cannot escape my shadows?

Fear of the dark, fear of the dark
I have a constant fear that someones always near
Fear of the dark, fear of the dark
I have a phobia that someones is always there

When I m walking a dark road I am a man who walkes alone.

P.S: This is just another one of my versions of the song "Fear of the dark" (one of my favorite heavy metal songs) by Iron Maiden . The words don't mean much to me and its just an attempt at art.

OMG !! I have been tagged!

This is the first time I have been tagged. I am only doing because I expect Shantanu to share his envying salary with me ,as he owes me a favor, once he joins NVIDIA. (Nay! just kidding). I don't believe I will be good in ' tagging shagging' and its something I have been trying to avoid because I am not exactly known for my veracity. Its 12:40 IST now. Lets see how it goes.

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it
It's easy to answer this one. Anyone who has followed my blog will know I got a scar of six stitches near my elbow. Yes, its genuine.
How did it happen?
Well, I was in 7th standard then. One day, some kid from my school, out of nowhere, ran past me, looked me in the eyes as if teasing me to try and overtake him. Of course I wasn't going to decline the challenge. After running a few yards, I slipped across a heap of pebbles. Unfortunately, some gravel went underneath my skin and the compounder cut my skin so deep ,to search it, that its not healed even today. Later I learned that the kid was just running towards the toilet. He obviously could not control it. That *beep* *beep*.

2. What does your phone look like ?
It looks exactly like a sony ericsson mobile. What did you expect? A dildo? lol

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?
Cobwebs, spiders and more cobwebs, more spiders. Don't be surprised if I turn into spiderman. Of course there are ten thousand English words written all over the cupboard and the door. 'Jammy fodu' people used to say when they entered my room for the first time but soon they realized the guy who stayed in this room last year did it and it was not my handiwork. I wonder what happened to that guy.

4. What is your current desktop picture?


I have been trying to do this bike stunt for so long! Of course it was the spiderman kiss stunt earlier. Some day I will earn the 'MTV kiss of the year' accolade.

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
If seeing is believing my answer is I haven't seen any gay marriage. If you are asking if gays should allowed to marry then then I have no right poking my nose in other's business. I have seen reports of people marrying dogs in newspapers for God's sake. Its our forefather's fault that there is a drought of women in this country( My definition of a woman is not the same as female, it is rather a sub- category and I am not implying that scarcity of women is factor for a person's sexuality)

I think the Academy of Motion Pictures is in a better position to give a justifiable answer. They have given oscars to every god damned gay movie-' Brokeback mountain' ,' Milk'......

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
Challenge the IRCTC guys for a 'no holds barred' ' HELL IN A CELL' wrestling match. Tables, Chairs, Ladders, sledge hammers ,barbed wires - you name it, anything goes baby. I lost 1600 bucks in transaction because of their irresponsibility.

7. Are your parents still together?
No. But that's because my father is a nuclear scientist working in a secure CIA facility and my mother is an amazon warrior. I hope thats the answer you were looking. Unfortunately for you and fortunately for me its a simple yes and they are going to have their 25th anniversary this may. Its amazing how they gave a commitment to each other for 25+7 long years.( They knew each other for 7 years before they got married)

8. Last person who made you cry
She is a korean actress look-alike or do these actresses look like her? I am not too sure.

9. What is your favorite perfume/cologne ?
There is not one as I like experimenting but I only used them on my filthy socks. My body has kinda developed an allergic to perfumes/cologne lately. More excuses to save money.

10. What are you listening to?
Right now 'Another Brick in the Wall' by Pink Floyd

We dont need no education.
We dont need no thought control.
No dark sarcasm in the classroom.
Teachers, leave those kids alone.
Hey, teacher, leave those kids alone!
All in all youre just another brick in the wall.
All in all youre just another brick in the wall.

11. Do you get scared of the dark?
Should I be? I won't get a better opportunity for some mischief than blackouts. I think a women with bleached skin and raven hairs holding a lone candle in complete darkness looks sexy.

12. Do you like pain killers?
I hated it until they put a 4 inch needle in my vertebral column. They were invented for the good of mankind.

13. Are you too shy to ask someone out ?
This is where I start contradicting myself and I find myself oscillating between two extreme ends.

14. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Hajmola. Apparently I had a feast for a beast.

15. Who was the last person who made you mad?
She is the same person who made me cry. Of course she made me happy a lot of the times too.

16. Who was the last person who made you smile?
I smile habitually even if its a fake one unless someone challenges me for a wrestling match like the IRCTC guys. Its better to be nice than to be genuine.(That may not necessarily be true)

17. Is someone in love with you ?
Of course a lot of people are- family, friends, my blogger friends. Well don't you?
Ohh..about romance ? I don't think someone is in love with me. If she loves me, she is not someone but rather someone special.

F*beep* its almost 3 now I despise it when the network server is not working for hours.
Now I tag this to
Amrita
Ankit
Rojit
Subratta

THE POWER OF CHOICE

Finally the plane landed in Delhi. I lost sense of time because hours of solitary travel can consume a person with all forms of thoughts. But I realized I was not aware of all those reasonings anymore, almost like an anachronism. It was not detachment, I felt, neither salvation. I had no premonitions about what's going to happen next. But I sensed something was going to change my life forever. It was going to be big and I better be ready for it.

As I waited for my luggage standing besides the airport conveyor belt, I felt my past memories relived and refreshed. My father's words suddenly sounded like bells tolling.
"The purpose of life is not chasing down every academic high."
"Success can also be measured in terms of having a pleasant and rewarding home life. These people develop their identities based upon the accomplishments of their children, and derive their self worth through the love and support of a spouse."
I barely heard all those words back then. I would give my only argument -
"A man is not defined by his family. I would rather climb that ladder as much as I can because I heard the view gets better as we go higher."
" No matter how high you climb there will always be some one above you .",he would retaliate.

His words made more sense to me now after four years and after shouldering the weight of three failed relationships. I wished things were different. I wished I hadn't dismissed his ideology totally. I wished I discovered the balance of career and love for myself.

As I moved my luggage, I had not been more hopeful than that day. It was time to redeem myself. I could see them waving from a distant view. Unanticipatedly, there was a ruckus in the crowd. The security persons were all around and every entrance gate closed and I was trapped in my own world in front of my eyes. I lost consciousness and bliss when it was only some yards away. I heard a beeping noise. It was my pager with the message- conference starts in 45 mins.

I was back in New York. Back to my beleaguered apartment. It all happened in another world, maybe in my sub-conscience. But I have to live with the fact that I had no contact with them for the last four years and its very unlikely I would so. I didn't have the sagacity to understand everything but I knew destination conference room was not an option.

P.S: I wanted to write something on -when love and career heads for a collision course. I ended up writing a story. There is always another excitement of narrating as a first person.

COMFORT IN DENIAL

I would never know,
How she took the seat of my innermost emotions and desires,
Why I tried to shun those feelings away.
Yet, inspite of every facet of my perplexities
She keeps coming back.

I cannot fathom these emotions,
Makes me wonder if this is love.
Does it mean love cannot be understood?
If this is what love is,
Does it mean it has to be confessed?


I would never succeed,
To find some words to capture all the things that make you you.
I struggled and failed to write the words,
That made perfect sense.
When all I imagined was it would be simple and effortless.


I cannot uncover these judgments,
Makes me wonder if this is love.
Does it mean love cannot be explained?
If this is what love is,
Does it mean it has to be confessed?


But,I would rather be satisfied.
Regardless of whether you simply know or not,
Just how I feel about you.
For with the feelings I cannot expressed.
For with the words I cannot translate.

P.S.: Happy Valentine's Day